April 25th, 2025 7:34 pm
Safety and Security Wounds put/kept me in spaces of unworthiness…
Safety and Security Wounds kept me in fight-and-flight mode.
Feeling very panicky and being anxious beyond what my body could/can process.
Always surviving. . .
Barely that at times.
Having hard times trusting and embracing the calm and solace present because I feel/felt that something was always on the way to pull the rug from underneath me and my loved ones.
It felt/feels organic to wait for “the shoe to drop.”
Such a sickening feeling to feel that at any time the ground beneath your feet can become unstable…
So unstable to the point that fear becomes your best friend because in those moments all you can believe, think, and see is the worst possible outcome.
Safety and Security Wounds had me feeling like an absolute slave to my environment and circumstances after a while.
I felt like I was fighting hard to not get captured until I did…
Eventually cycling through the fragility that comes with insecurity and unsafety…
Feelings of shame flooded every aspect of my existence because I never wanted to be judged, written off, or reduced to the ways I had to cope in order to survive.
I knew that I was more than what I went through.
Yet, I didn’t feel like my life reflected that in any way…
If anything, I feel like my life oozed out every last one of my struggles…
Just on full display for folks to see.
Safety and Security Wounds placed me in a space of worthiness.
Feeling undeserving of the love I require…
Honestly, just feeling undeserving of things that should have been non-negotiables for me.
Safety and Security Wounds had me accepting being empty like it was the norm.
Constantly overextending myself, tending to and filling everyone else up without the thought of me…
I didn’t even require the bare minimum.
I had grown accustomed to getting/ having nothing for myself…
It has left me feeling guilty about wanting things and feeling even more guilty about asking for anything or even giving it to myself.
Safety and Security Wounds made me believe that I am supposed to be bankrupt…
That it’s okay to never receive and deposit into me…
Withdrawing was synonymous with me…
… To Be Continued…
-Sunset🌻
