Hello Fellow Setters,
In a prior post, ‘ The Great Release: A Soliloquy From The Heart ‘, I stated towards the end, “I had to choose myself, which was very difficult, while being in a state of becoming accustomed to having my energy return home to self. That’s a subject for another post.” Now we are here in ‘another post‘… well, at least somewhere here.

There comes a point (or at least should) in the journey of being a people pleaser when you finally have to choose yourself. As I said above, reaching that point was very difficult because it wasn’t just about deciding and making the choice, but accepting what that really meant and how everything would look and be with that choice. One big thing for me was witnessing how depleted and empty I was used to being. It may sound ludicrous, but the energy I endlessly poured into others became so foreign to me that I struggled to accept it as mine. Once my energy started to return, it felt wrong having it. Like I instantly felt I needed to give it back out.

How did things get this bad?
How did I get this comfortable with having nothing?
At what exact moment did I convince myself that I wasn’t deserving of myself?

This is one of those things where I had to acknowledge that we live in many degrees and conditions more than we ever realize. I knew I didn’t feel completely undeserving of myself, nor was I comfortable with having nothing, yet the truth still exists in some form in those spaces. I hated seeing that, acknowledging and addressing it. If I can be a bit bare, I felt ashamed… I still feel the shame (everything leaves a residue) because if you don’t have you, then who do? And honestly, how could you expect anyone else to have you fully if you don’t? You can’t… I mean… You can, but it wouldn’t be fair to expect something from others that you aren’t even choosing to give to yourself. And I know being a people pleaser has many nuances, but the reality is, when we become conscious of it … when we are in the awareness of what it is and what it means to be a people pleaser, it becomes a choice.

I like to consider myself a former people pleaser (learning to be it to see it) to remind myself that people pleasing is no longer optional for me. Honestly, I’m growing in my “no’s”. I am still finding my feet in healing and releasing the parts of me that default to emptying myself out sooo easily for others. It is a challenge with many levels to work through. And doing the work isn’t butterflies and rainbows. It hurts like hell, and it’s ugly on this side. And there’s absolutely no reason to sugarcoat it.

Whew… sharing yourself is hard work. Am I doing it right? Ha! I’m kiddinggggg.

If you are a people pleaser or a former people pleaser, it isn’t wrong to give and pour into others. There’s no problem with showing up as unconditionally as your heart truly desires. However, you must prioritize overflowing within yourself first. We are entitled to ourselves, and that isn’t something to be earned; It is a given. I will speak more on this soon, but please give yourselves grace; It is needed. Truthfully, your healing journey is nothing without it. Happy Sunday Setters!!! I speak much grace and ease for you all in this new week.

-Sunset🌻