‘ I knew that if I couldn’t connect to you on this plane, I couldn’t have you in our connection on this plane. My love and my care for you felt too strong to allow things to fall away. Yet, I knew if I didn’t allow things to be in the way they needed to be, then I would lose sight of myself. Loving you made me want to “keep up,” but I knew I couldn’t, so I am growing in the acceptance of truly letting you go. Honestly, “keeping up” had nothing to do with any advancements or expansion on your end… just cycles, vices, escapism, recklessness, and being ego-driven. So, my trying to keep up with you never made sense because the reality is there was nothing I needed to keep up with on that end. I’ve outgrown those things, shedded, and still am shedding those confines. They just don’t serve me anymore, no matter how much I wish they did, so I could have you around.

What most consider freedom and fun is really a playground stationed in a prison. Being a puppet and not knowing it or even caring to know it.

Imagine wanting and choosing to be in that playground with the knowingness that it’s a ploy to keep people distracted from knowing they are really prisoners, yet because the people you love are there and they are enjoying it…. You try forcing yourself to be there with them. This choice brings forth many insecurities and even guilt from your knowingness of y’all’s differences because of that knowing and the disconnect from their reality. This, of course, comes at a hefty cost for you (awareness, growth, freedom, intuition, core frequency). But you allow yourself to suffer for the sake of “Love”… At some point, you realize you could no longer act as if being there was the ultimate state of being, even if everyone else saw it as if it were. Your soul needs… wants… desires to live. Regardless of the love you hold for them, you knew they were comfortable with living in a state of just existing.

I had no choice but to let go to finally give myself permission to fully Live in and through my existence… Not the other way around.

I went deep into a tangent, but maybe one day you will care to get it or even to get me. It would hurt if you never do, but I know I can’t force or dwell on that.

I have to allow you to exist in your life as you choose to without my interference.

For me, I could no longer be fragmented. Either you take all of me or NONE of me. I am a WHOLE Person. . . Being.’

I wrote this as I was clearing out a karmic connection I was encapsulated in for a little over half a decade. A raw piece of expression to make sense of what was coming up at the time. I know choosing to remain there went past the point of Love, but chronic self-sacrifice. It was painful to exist through… still is, but I needed to see my reflection. I had to choose myself, which was much difficult with being in a state of becoming accustomed to having my energy return home to self. That’s a subject for another post.

Although I was hesitant, I felt the need to share this. I look present to this post reaching those it is meant to. Happy Healing.

-Sunset🌻