I just had one of these moments. Well, not really had, because if I am being honest with myself, I am still in the midst of this moment. Ironically, it came in the form of a “repeated lesson”… one that I experienced, almost if not exactly, five years ago. It was evident that more was being required of me to see, to witness, to be present in, to learn from, and to rise into. The lesson, however, was very tumultuous and crippling by nature years back. So once I understood that the lesson was being repeated, I knew the heat was finna turn ALL the way up this go around. Making it impossible for me to leave out this space without getting ALL that I was truly meant to get from it.
At face value, it felt like punishment. I thought that God and the rest of my spiritual team were playing a sick joke on me… I won’t front; in ways, I still feel that (the human in me). However, I knew beyond that feeling held a deep and uncomfortable truth that I needed to honor and accept. That truth being that I was still clinging to things, ways, behaviors, and people that put me in states of self-sabotage, self-sacrifice, and endless suffering; Things I no longer wanted any parts of in my life. Of course, I wasn’t oblivious to the fact that another layer of clearing was needed to fully release these habits before this moment arose… But I’ve never seen things in such a way that I felt was so finite yet loud with unspoken direness that required a level of discretion that felt shameful. This is where “more” starts to kick in because I was forced to see how this time was tying into so many other times that weren’t just exclusive to me, but inclusive of many others that spanned across a multitude of generations. I had to embrace the overlapping emotions, feelings, patterns, cycles, voids, deaths, realities, and interconnectedness that were being mirrored to me. The level of awareness and foresight being provided at this time has unearthed me; so much so that I felt like my knowing was far too grand for me. Although the information being revealed to me was meant to empower me to charge forward in the freedom that lies beyond these confines, the revelation made me feel so small, insane, timid, and out of body. There was no possible way that I was meant to endure what presently stood before me and choose to surrender to the unknown that was waiting to greet me on the other side of this. I cried, questioned, and even doubted this experience. The heartache that came with being here only intensified everything else. I was highkey wishing that I could escape from what appeared to be closing in on me, but I knew that the only way out was… is through.
As much as I like to believe that I have exhaustive choices, there’s only ever been one for me, and that’s me choosing my highest self. Frankly, that’s not even much of a choice now. It’s either all of me or the former. It’s my default, and this lesson(s) further confirmed that for me. Somehow, I am journeying through this time far more tenacious and equipped than I ever perceived I could. The weight is still immense, and there’s more to be unraveled. And I am uncertain about the duration and the amount of endurance required beyond this point, but I’m growing in my faith that this can and will only bring me greater things. All there is to do is evolve.
“I can’t afford to abuse my freewill because it comes with great suffering… either I could allow myself to be in hell or pay the price to inherit heaven. Either which way I am paying something, and I’d rather pay for something that grants me a greater return in the end.”
– Yours Truly
-Sunset🌻
EtherealSunset 